Spring Cleaning

As I sit here on my balcony on this rainy spring day, I have a lot on my mind. I’m watching the rain wash things away and I think about washing away a few things of my own. 

This is the time of year that many people start doing a complete “overhaul” of everything around their homes. These activities may include: thorough cleaning, moving things, storing things, unstoring things, and just plain on discarding things. As I sit here contemplating spring cleaning, I’m not thinking about in my home. I’m thinking more about in my personal life -- my dating life to be exact. I would say this is the area of my life that I am most dissatisfied with. Right now I’m not seeing anyone seriously, but that isn’t the dissatisfying part. I’m ok being single right now. People always talk about how something really changes for you when you turn 30. With a good 3 months of 30 experience behind me, I will say the only thing that has really changed for me is giving more thought to what I want. And as far as relationships are concerned I know what I want, but more importantly I know what I don’t want. I’m not necessarily trying to rush into a commitment but that is what I want eventually. At this point in my life I don’t see a need to nurture the useless. Sometimes it is so clear to see the useless but at other times you really have to be skilled or just learn how to get out of your own way. The first step I believe is being vigilant about what you do and don't want. In the spirit of spring cleaning... the things we want, we need to store and the things we don't we need to discard.

What I don’t want

1.  A casual sex relationship - Let me start off by saying, I'm not judging. LOL! In this day and age, it seems this is so rampant. So many guys seem to not want to commit and so many women are settling for what the guy will give them in hopes that he will change his mind. Again, not judging but this is just something that is contrary to what I want. If you know that you want a serious relationship and he is only interested "laying you down" then chances are he is not going to be the one to give you what you want. This will only end up in hurt feelings. With that being said, I applaud the guys that have the nerve to come right out and make it clear what they want. Bc I can come right out and make it clear what I don't want and neither one of us have wasted valuable time! -> Useless Act #1: Trying to make something out of nothing.
2. To play games - One day I was having a conversation with my little sister. She is 19. She made the statement, "I can't wait until I get older, so that I don't have to deal with these little boys." I looked at her with a knowing and sad look on my face and said, "Baby doll, it is much worse when you get older. You just have to deal with old little boys." You would think after turning 30 that we wouldn't have to deal with the same silly drama that we dealt with when we were 19. Not so much... Over the last few years of being single and dating I have heard some of the most ridiculous foolishness from guys ranging from 25 - 45. In this aspect, age truly "ain't nuthin but a number". Maturity has everything to do with the growth of an individual and nothing to do with the chronological age of said individual. I say it all the time "Say what you mean, and mean what you say." I'm grown. I don't want to play games to get your attention or to try to figure out what you are trying to tell me. -> Useless Act #2: Playing with a child with the intention of finding a man.
3. Someone else's husband (or boyfriend for that matter): Enough said! What does it say about our society that I get hit on by men wearing wedding bands and they look at me like I have 3 heads bc I say I don't want to have anything to do with someone's husband. Am I really in the minority here? What can you do for me when you have a family at home. -> Useless Act #3: Trying to get someone to be something to you that they are to someone else. He can't be your husband when he already has a wife!  

Those were just a few of the What I don't want items.There are just so many more items that can I can list here. Another important aspect of this is knowing exactly what you DO want. I think that will be my next blog topic. But for now I think I will focus on getting rid of the old and making room for the new! Now that the rain has stopped... I'm sitting here thinking about the few guys that are around, vying for my attention... Sounds like it is time for a little Spring Cleaning.

Janie 

Life is too short...

My heart is heavy... Life is so short. My Uncle Johnny died today. He was such a great man. What I remember the best about him is that he was always there to help others... He was always taking care of his mom. He was a son, a husband, a father... and many of other things to many people. It is just so sad... There are so many unanswered questions... All I know is his wife came home from work and found him in the backyard. The police are treating his death as a homicide. Hopefully, there will be some answered questions soon. But it won't take the pain away that his loved ones are feeling.

Since I found out about his death about 2 hours ago my mind has been racing in every direction... I'm worried about my family... praying for everyone... wishing I was home with my family... thinking about how short life is and compiling a list in my mind of people in my mind that I need to be sure to spend time with. My granddad... my great-grandmother... And at this very moment... should I reach out to my father...

I don't know... this is just hard. Cherish every moment you have with your loved ones... you never know which moment will be the last.



Love

Age Ain't Nothin But a Number... So they say...

I have heard this saying a million times uttered in conversation among family, friends, and I have even heard it put to music. (RIP Aaliyah)

But the question is... how true is it? In the dating arena, does it really matter? And if it matters at all just how important is it?

I'm not sure I have the answer to this question but I must admit that I do think twice when I hear of a 50 year old woman dating a 20 year old man... Or a 80 year old man dating a 22 year old woman. I always think "What could they possibly have in common?" I have been thinking a lot about age lately with my dating and near-dating experiences... Although, I'm always up for a social experiment, I don't think I'm prepared to date a man that is old enough to be my grandfather or young enough to have watched Barney when he was 3 yrs old. I have however always kind of had an unspoken age range in my the back of my head that I felt would be acceptable for me. Of course this range is ever changing with my age... but right now (or lets say pre-a few days ago) my range would look something like my age (29) to about 35. So I have met two guys here lately... And they both just so happen to be basically book ends for my age range. I guess you can say I'm doing a bit of comparison shopping... take a look below for details on them both.

DMV-Dred

• Age: 35
• Status: Single - Never Been Married
• Kids: 2
• Occupation: Operations Manager
• City: Baltimore, Maryland
• How we met: Old Dominion Brewhouse for the 2010 Alabama v FL game
• Pros:
• Attractive
• Gentleman
• Knows how to date
• Shows great interest in person
• Cons:
• Not very consistent communication between dates
• About Him: So we met one weekend. We had pretty good conversation and it was obvious that we both were a bit interested. What sticks out in my mind about that night is that he was such a gentleman. He made it a point to walk me to the train station. I liked that. The next weekend he met me again to watch the games. This time we had drinks afterward... Much more intimate conversation and we went to a nice bar which had a more intimate setting. That was really nice. Nice enough that I agreed to meet him for dinner the next night. I met him out at National Harbor for dinner. We had a nice dinner and more good conversation. It has been pretty good. Good conversation, good company, and pretty good chemistry. We were on a bit of a roll up until my trip to Alabama. I headed out to Alabama witha good feeling about everything and definitely willing to pursue it.

Young Tender

• Age: 26
• Status: Single - Never Been Married
• Kids: 1 
• Occupation: Cust. Serv. and Sales Rep. at the bank
• City: Hoover, Alabama
• How we met: The bank
• Pros:
• VERY Attractive
• Obvious immediate chemistry
• Good listener
• Seems to know what he wants
• Seems mature - kind of unexpected based on age
• Cons: 
• Moves fast (relationship-wise) - takes me out of my comfort zone. Not sure how much of a con this is. 
• Lives in Alabama
• About Him: So I went to the bank on Thursday. One of the first ppl I saw when I walked in was a very cute guy that works there. I was thinking he looked a little young but very cute. I even FB'd about how cute the guy at the bank was when I got back to work. The next day I discovered a banking error related to the transaction I made the day before. I head back to the bank and as soon as I walk in,  the Bank cutie is the first person to approach me. He was very helpful at assisting with my banking issue and with keeping me calm by making me laugh. As we were discussing my issue he gave me his card with his personal cell number written in and said for me to call him after he gets off. Needless to say I did give him a call... between Friday night and texting all day Saturday, we learned a little more about each other. Enough to know we wanted to hang out for the game Saturday night. The chemistry was completely obvious. We talked a lot about our personalities and our dating habits... It went well enough for us to know we wanted to hang out again on Sunday night. I think it went very well. 

So that gives a bit of description about both guys. Now that I am fresh off my trip from Alabama, I'm not sure what I think about either guy... DMV-Dred made it clear that he is looking to settle down at some point but not with as much urgency as Young Tender. This is definitely not a bad thing bc I am still in my comfort zone with him. We are just kind of seeing where things go... with that being said... I think I would need to see more action from him though... Yes the dates are nice but for me to take him seriously I would need to see more action between dates. By that I mean more conversation, outside of setting up the next date.

Young Tender is most fresh on my mind so I think that is why my focus is there. There was a lot of talk around what we are both looking for and how we think we should proceed. It takes me out of my comfort zone bc I am a slow mover when it comes to relationships... To be honest, Young Tender scares me...

So that is it in a nutshell... Good thing I don't have to make a decision now. There are lots of things that are different about both guys... I can't wait to see how this all works out... They both seem like nice, great guys... But will their ages play much into how things go from here... Only time will tell.

Assessments at this point:

Janie: Leaning more toward DMV-Dred... I live in the DMV now therefore most of my time is spent here and it only makes sense to date someone in the same city as you. He seems to be pretty established in his career and that is definitely a good thing. Let's be practical here... DMV-Dred is the best choice.

Hersheys Kiss: Leaning more toward Young Tender. I mean the chemistry is amazing!!! Not to say it isn't there with DMV-Dred but it was nothing like with Young Tender. Even if I do have my reservations, he was saying all the right things and making some good points... Yes, the distance will be hard but who needs to think that far in the future... This is all new... I say follow the feelings... We have enough time for practicality later in life... Young Tender is saying a lot of the right things and is looking as good as he wanna look! LOL! :-)