As I sit here on my balcony on this rainy spring day, I have a lot on my mind. I’m watching the rain wash things away and I think about washing away a few things of my own.
This is the time of year that many people start doing a complete “overhaul” of everything around their homes. These activities may include: thorough cleaning, moving things, storing things, unstoring things, and just plain on discarding things. As I sit here contemplating spring cleaning, I’m not thinking about in my home. I’m thinking more about in my personal life -- my dating life to be exact. I would say this is the area of my life that I am most dissatisfied with. Right now I’m not seeing anyone seriously, but that isn’t the dissatisfying part. I’m ok being single right now. People always talk about how something really changes for you when you turn 30. With a good 3 months of 30 experience behind me, I will say the only thing that has really changed for me is giving more thought to what I want. And as far as relationships are concerned I know what I want, but more importantly I know what I don’t want. I’m not necessarily trying to rush into a commitment but that is what I want eventually. At this point in my life I don’t see a need to nurture the useless. Sometimes it is so clear to see the useless but at other times you really have to be skilled or just learn how to get out of your own way. The first step I believe is being vigilant about what you do and don't want. In the spirit of spring cleaning... the things we want, we need to store and the things we don't we need to discard.
What I don’t want
- A casual sex relationship - Let me start off by saying, I'm not judging. LOL! In this day and age, it seems this is so rampant. So many guys seem to not want to commit and so many women are settling for what the guy will give them in hopes that he will change his mind. Again, not judging but this is just something that is contrary to what I want. If you know that you want a serious relationship and he is only interested "laying you down" then chances are he is not going to be the one to give you what you want. This will only end up in hurt feelings. With that being said, I applaud the guys that have the nerve to come right out and make it clear what they want. Bc I can come right out and make it clear what I don't want and neither one of us have wasted valuable time! -> Useless Act #1: Trying to make something out of nothing.
- To play games - One day I was having a conversation with my little sister. She is 19. She made the statement, "I can't wait until I get older, so that I don't have to deal with these little boys." I looked at her with a knowing and sad look on my face and said, "Baby doll, it is much worse when you get older. You just have to deal with old little boys." You would think after turning 30 that we wouldn't have to deal with the same silly drama that we dealt with when we were 19. Not so much... Over the last few years of being single and dating I have heard some of the most ridiculous foolishness from guys ranging from 25 - 45. In this aspect, age truly "ain't nuthin but a number". Maturity has everything to do with the growth of an individual and nothing to do with the chronological age of said individual. I say it all the time "Say what you mean, and mean what you say." I'm grown. I don't want to play games to get your attention or to try to figure out what you are trying to tell me. -> Useless Act #2: Playing with a child with the intention of finding a man.
- Someone else's husband (or boyfriend for that matter): Enough said! What does it say about our society that I get hit on by men wearing wedding bands and they look at me like I have 3 heads bc I say I don't want to have anything to do with someone's husband. Am I really in the minority here? What can you do for me when you have a family at home. -> Useless Act #3: Trying to get someone to be something to you that they are to someone else. He can't be your husband when he already has a wife!
Janie
